In what is unquestionably just about the most unusual report we have received from the UK in many years, a grandmother of 84 years has been eaten alive by a hungry pig. We’re not talking wild boar either, the swine in question was an average run of the mill pink and curly-tailed pig. The incident happened whilst the elderly woman was walking home after a prosperous night of blackjack fun at her local casino.

Muriel Hattersley enjoyed spending her Wednesday evenings gambling at her local blackjack hall, the Nirvana Big Prize in Cheshire. The establishment is located under one mile from her place of residence, so she would happily walk across the fields after a night of blackjack action. She did this against the wishes of her family, but insisted that she enjoyed the fresh air and added exercise.

Unfortunately for Muriel, luck may have been on her side when she was winning earlier, but it certainly appears to have turned on that fateful night. Little did the grandmother know a hungry pig had recently escaped from a farm close by, and she was heading right towards where it was hanging out. Muriel crossed the field carefully as always, but today was not so lucky and she ended up face down in the mud after tripping on a tree. As she lay unconscious the nearby pig who had heard all of this commotion proceeded to slowly but surely feast upon her flesh. The following morning horrified works at the farm discovered what was left and called the police.

When pressed for comment on this bizarre yet tragic event, the farmer who owned the land and man-eating swine expressed his sadness at losing Arthur the pig. “I’ll have to have Arthur destroyed now. We have all sorts traipsing across the fields, and unfortunately he’s not gotten a taste for human flesh. It’s a shame, he was a good pig.”

Looks like the farmer and his family will be having bacon sandwiches for lunch this week.